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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?